I must say that I hate dating, I don't think its fun at all. We all are looking for the one and it seems to take a lot to find that one that we are all meant to be with. How will I know if the one got away because I didn't want to go on the emotional roller coaster that was becoming a trend. Maybe just maybe I learned something from this about myself and about how this world works but then again maybe not. To learn to let go of something even though I wanted it so bad, and that my friends is part of growing up and With every life lesson and heart break we grow from it and change even if we don't want to, but it happens. I in fact have grown a lot from mike breaking my heart after telling me that he wanted a divorce. My world was crushed and I thought that I wasn't going to be able to go on, but guess what I picked the pieces up of that broken heart and amended it back together even though I hated him and didn't want anything to do with him for awhile. I have to admit that because he did what he did that I was going to punish him by keeping him from talking to the kids or even getting pictures of them. Because I felt that he didn't deserve it. He did this to us and its all his fault. But after awhile I started to heal my heart and realized that that's not right and I was actually in the wrong for doing that. But I didn't want anything to do with him if I didn't have to talk to him it made my life a little bit easer to deal with what was going on. It wasn't fair to the kids either but I was hurting and didn't really know how to deal with what was going on around me. He was my everything, my world and after 10 years I had to learn to be without him and know that it wasn't perfect like I thought that it was. I had to learn to let go of him and the life that I once had it was over and I will never have it back, but With time I healed and moved on with my life. Then after moving on from this I had doubts at first since I was really afraid to get my heart broken again because it was hard to get over the first one. But it happens everyone gets their heartbroken but its part of life. And it happened again, here we go again, another heart break now what do I do. The same thing get up and deal with it and maybe not fall so quickly next time. Sometimes though you just can't help who we fall for, it is what it is, its going to happen just learn to let go. I am now waiting for the next one to break my heart and than again another damn lesson to be learned. I just wish I knew what lessons they were to be learned from. Maybe its just time to let go of it and then maybe someday I will realize why I had to let go of it whatever it maybe have been.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
You think that everything is fine and maybe its a little to perfect and then bang,it wasn't perfect anymore. And now You wait for him to text and call but he never does, every time the text tone goes off you jump and run to the phone thinking that maybe just maybe he changed his mind, but he didn't. But as the days pass, day by day you loose hope, you start thinking and wondering what went wrong, what did I do to make him not want to be with me anymore. Its amazing how one thing can change everything, one second and one word can change the outcome of so much. How do I get on with life when I feel like the world has crashed on my head once again. How do you know when your right for someone or vice versa? I guess only time will tell that part, nobody really knows until we are upon it. Even though my heart is broken, It will amend again with time. Although I still believe in fairytales but the fairy tales never tell you about the many heart breaks that you may face in life. Some may hurt more than others and some may not hurt at all. With all the hurt that you have endured in such a short period of time you become guarded from love because you have been hurt to much and can't let it happen again. If that guy hurt me, what's this one capable of doing to me. Relationships don't always end up in a perfect happily ever after like they do in fairy tales. We all would like to believe that they do, then love would be as simple as the story of Cinderella, But its reality and it usually doesn't end up like that. So we get up and move on with life and try to keep busy so we don't think about him. The simple fact that it doesn't help that everywhere you go you see his vehicle or that you see the places that you went together and the memories that you shared. Even where you first met is everywhere you go because its the way you come home from work and go to work every day, it used to make you smile and now it just makes you sad. Guess I better find a new route to and from work so I don't have to see it everyday and think about him.