Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Its 2014 we made it :) yay! Everyone makes new years resolutions and it usually begins with I want to go on a diet or loose weight, be healthier. Usually mine does too, that's pretty much every year that I make those same new years resolutions. But this year is going to be a different resolution, I have made the decision to not make that same resolution because it never works I usually fall off after a month of doing it and its not reality. This year my new years resolution is to be me and not give in too things that don't make me happy and to let go of the past. Learn to deal with things and people who have hurt me in the past, and to recognize that not everyone is going to hurt me and to be able to let people in again. I plan to check into and start going back to school to better the life of my children and mine,to go up not down. I am so ready for a new and positive outlook in this year 2014. I am not going to make a list of everything that I want to change about myself but just start with the little things and see what happens. I may succeed in all these goals that I have set for myself maybe not but at least there something that will set me in the right path of new beginnings and new positive outlooks of people and things that I require from myself. I hope that I have many adventures this year and things that I will learn from. I really want to be inspired this year to do things that I have always wanted to do but never had the confidence to do them. So this year I will try to work on that whole aspect as well. Welcome to my new adventure and life lessons.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
The whole black eyed pea saying that if you eat at least one it will bring you good luck into the next year. I thought when everything started to down spiral that the saying was completely off and that it would bring you bad luck because nothing good was happening to me, But guess what it was true everything happens for a reason there were more positives than negatives that came out of this year. So that black eyed pea did give me good luck. It brought many new challenges, yes but it gave me something I never had before determination. As I reflect on the Year 2013 and how much has happened to me, Lets just say a lot of crap. This year has been filled with heartbreaks, struggles, independence, new adventures, new beginning's and endings, happiness, building friendships and relationships. There has been many positive things that this year has brought me as well as negative things that has changed my whole life and flipped it upside down, and nothing that I would wish upon my worst enemy. It has brought me many lessons that I have learned from. Nothing in life is a mistake its a lesson in disguise and things that I have learned from, With each one it has taught me something. Many of them I have no idea what yet, but someday I will. I have built a relationship with my father this year and have become closer with him which is something that I have never had. I am so happy that I was given that opportunity to rebuild that relationship with somebody that is a huge part of my life. I feel like I am much closer to my family then I have been in the past. I have been able to talk to them about problems and get advice from them. This year I think for me was about learning that life is what it is, and sometimes people are going to break you but you will get up and move on and be that much stronger. I am stronger than I ever have been in my life, that's a positive. I am more optimistic than I have been before. I have also learned that I need my family more than I thought that I did. When all of the bad stuff happened I felt like a tornado had just come through and nothing was ever going to get better. It did though like life always does. Life is full of trials and tribulations and sometimes you got to take it by the horns and say I am going to conquer this. How much can one person endure? apparently I can handle a lot more then I had ever imagined. Its amazing after you look back on what you have overcome and struggled with how much you come out stronger and ready for the next thing to come across, Because guess what I can handle it. Bring on the next chapter in life the year 2014 because its going to be awesome. 2014 is going to bring many new adventures and more outgoing things for me and my family. 2014 is going to be a positive and uplifting year because 2013 has been rough and hell for me and my family. We got through it, its almost over.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I must say that I hate dating, I don't think its fun at all. We all are looking for the one and it seems to take a lot to find that one that we are all meant to be with. How will I know if the one got away because I didn't want to go on the emotional roller coaster that was becoming a trend. Maybe just maybe I learned something from this about myself and about how this world works but then again maybe not. To learn to let go of something even though I wanted it so bad, and that my friends is part of growing up and With every life lesson and heart break we grow from it and change even if we don't want to, but it happens. I in fact have grown a lot from mike breaking my heart after telling me that he wanted a divorce. My world was crushed and I thought that I wasn't going to be able to go on, but guess what I picked the pieces up of that broken heart and amended it back together even though I hated him and didn't want anything to do with him for awhile. I have to admit that because he did what he did that I was going to punish him by keeping him from talking to the kids or even getting pictures of them. Because I felt that he didn't deserve it. He did this to us and its all his fault. But after awhile I started to heal my heart and realized that that's not right and I was actually in the wrong for doing that. But I didn't want anything to do with him if I didn't have to talk to him it made my life a little bit easer to deal with what was going on. It wasn't fair to the kids either but I was hurting and didn't really know how to deal with what was going on around me. He was my everything, my world and after 10 years I had to learn to be without him and know that it wasn't perfect like I thought that it was. I had to learn to let go of him and the life that I once had it was over and I will never have it back, but With time I healed and moved on with my life. Then after moving on from this I had doubts at first since I was really afraid to get my heart broken again because it was hard to get over the first one. But it happens everyone gets their heartbroken but its part of life. And it happened again, here we go again, another heart break now what do I do. The same thing get up and deal with it and maybe not fall so quickly next time. Sometimes though you just can't help who we fall for, it is what it is, its going to happen just learn to let go. I am now waiting for the next one to break my heart and than again another damn lesson to be learned. I just wish I knew what lessons they were to be learned from. Maybe its just time to let go of it and then maybe someday I will realize why I had to let go of it whatever it maybe have been.
Friday, November 15, 2013
You think that everything is fine and maybe its a little to perfect and then bang,it wasn't perfect anymore. And now You wait for him to text and call but he never does, every time the text tone goes off you jump and run to the phone thinking that maybe just maybe he changed his mind, but he didn't. But as the days pass, day by day you loose hope, you start thinking and wondering what went wrong, what did I do to make him not want to be with me anymore. Its amazing how one thing can change everything, one second and one word can change the outcome of so much. How do I get on with life when I feel like the world has crashed on my head once again. How do you know when your right for someone or vice versa? I guess only time will tell that part, nobody really knows until we are upon it. Even though my heart is broken, It will amend again with time. Although I still believe in fairytales but the fairy tales never tell you about the many heart breaks that you may face in life. Some may hurt more than others and some may not hurt at all. With all the hurt that you have endured in such a short period of time you become guarded from love because you have been hurt to much and can't let it happen again. If that guy hurt me, what's this one capable of doing to me. Relationships don't always end up in a perfect happily ever after like they do in fairy tales. We all would like to believe that they do, then love would be as simple as the story of Cinderella, But its reality and it usually doesn't end up like that. So we get up and move on with life and try to keep busy so we don't think about him. The simple fact that it doesn't help that everywhere you go you see his vehicle or that you see the places that you went together and the memories that you shared. Even where you first met is everywhere you go because its the way you come home from work and go to work every day, it used to make you smile and now it just makes you sad. Guess I better find a new route to and from work so I don't have to see it everyday and think about him.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
As we all head towards the new challenges and adventures in this new life that we have found ourselves in. The kids and I are finally starting to get settled in our new home. It maybe small but its our space that we can learn to love, its smaller than what we are used too but its cute and perfect for us 3. I never imagined my life going in this direction, but its here and I am embracing every many memory it has to offer me, looking in to positive changes that I am making in my life and the kids life. Life is way to short to dread on the past and dwell on it. whatever happened in the past happened and theres nothing that I can do to change it, so I have to look forward to the future and whatever may come towards the kids and my way, who knows you never know what the future holds until its upon you. Maybe there is a fairytale out there somewhere but until then keep moving forward not backwards. My baby will start kindergarten in 2 weeks, I can't believe that she will be a kindergartener this year, and aiden will be a second grader. Wow, how the time has flown by I feel like these past couple of years have just flown by. These two kids have grown so much in the past 1 and half years that they amaze me everyday. We are now working on schedules and madisyn is starting to get the hang of it going to bed at 9:00 pm every night instead of whenever she wants to go to bed. She seems to be starting to get the hang of it and the fact that she gets to put stickers on a chart for a treat motivates her even more. Aiden is working on not wearing pull ups at night time and not peeing the bed at night time. He is on week 2 of not peeing in his bed so that's going well. I think he just needed his space with his own room and our own house to help launch him. So right now aiden and madisyn are working on getting to go to chucky cheeses but they have to earn a lot more stickers to get to go. The more things that they do the more stickers they earn and the faster they get to go. As I look back in the past year, I have achieved many great things and accomplished a lot more than I ever thought that I ever could. My family has been there every step towards a new me and has helped me in more ways than I could ever repay them. Each and everyone of them has helped in so many ways that they may not even know that they helped but they did. I am so thankful for each and everyone of them without any of them I don't know where I would be right now, probably lost and have no idea where to go next. But because of them I am a much stronger person and ready for this new adventure to start. So lets move forward and look towards more positive outlooks. Remember to smile you never know whose day you may have changed by just a smile, even though its a small gesture, It could change someone's whole outlook on the day.